2008.05.27

Today I did not feel like picking up my camera. But I did.

Here is something I wrote today that kind of explains why....

Do I really want to be a photojournalist?
By Christina Glass

Yesterday I was at a point where I was, yet again, wondering if I really wanted to be a photojournalist. Photojournalism is hard!
It is so full up highs and lows, ups and downs, huge emotional roller coasters and hard work.
Anything done well can be difficult and I do want to do well.
Without charity (love) I am nothing and my pictures will be worth nothing. But loving is hard. It often just brings more opportunities to be hurt and to feel those strong emotions tied to images.

When I first started taking pictures of tragedies I wondered if I really wanted to get into it. But I didn’t have a clear understanding of where it might lead. I was drawn into the thrill of the moment and the adrenaline associated with emergencies and my name in print. It was all about the image. About documenting important moments in someone’s life.

At my photojournalism course I was faced with the truth that I will be shooting with a bias.
No matter what situation I am in I have some type of background and I most likely already view that situation or those people, my assignment, a certain way. I must learn how to use that to communicate truth. That bias however will make some assignments even more painful.

Last night I heard sirens. Lots of sirens. The thoughts going through my head took on so many different faces. There was excitement for the opportunity. Fear of the unknown elements. Sadness and the compelling desire to help because I knew that most likely someone was hurting, be it physically or not. Nervousness because I knew I needed to chase it.

Then I arrived at the scene. It was a very bad car wreck, no one knew what was happening and there were first responders everywhere. Then I understood that a helicopter was being brought in to air lift someone to the city. That is when I had wished I stayed home. Would it have been better if I hadn’t been there? What if that person died and I was just taking exciting pictures? It is when you realize that lives are involved, that is when it becomes real life and not just pictures. It is when you look around and see your community, people you know, live with and work with everyday, and you know that this is affecting their lives.

Reminding myself at first that it is my job. Pictures are how I can help. Now I need to stay. Smiling and staying out of the way. Forcing myself to get close enough to get the shot. Talking to police and firefighters. Finding out what is really happening. That is what I am supposed to do. That is how I can Honor God and possibly make a difference.

Coming home I had to kneel and take a deep breath. I prayed Lord, why did you give me this desire and gift of photography? Why me? Am I up to it? Can I continue to love and take images that are filled with emotion? Yes, the answer is yes. The Lord has given me these gifts, my “eye”, my camera, my training, and my desire and passion, for a reason. He knows the plans He has for me and He will uphold me.

Photojournalism is hard. No one will argue with me on that. The temptation is to become callous and to not let myself feel the emotions and hurt. But that would be wrong. I would no longer be able to shoot in a way that would best portray the moment. I would no loner have the passion that this requires and the adrenaline would not be there to keep me going. I pray that the Lord will give me strength as I drive and run into these situations.

Life must go on and I must continue to pick up my camera and shoot images with high emotional impact. I am drawn to photography and to say that I won’t do it anymore would be to give up because of fear. Fear that is not of God. Yes, photojournalism is hard but then again so is life. I must run the race and finish the course set out for me.

Just a quick side note: This was the end of a long day in which I had already shot 6 different assignments for the paper. Not everything about photojournalism is sad. I did shoot some varied subjects as well but they all had some type of emotion tied to them. From military flag services, to trap shooting awards, a protected tree threatening to fall on four homes and a float dedicated to a young woman my age who died in a car wreck. My feelings of being overwhelmed stem partly from this overload. This morning I did not even want to touch my camera but things were looking much brighter.

~doer of hard things